Unleashing My Inner Weirdo

I did a thing late last year. I signed up for a year-long art coaching program. I was ready to take my art to the next logical level, and I knew I did not want to take that journey alone.

The program has nothing to do with “how” to create art, but instead, it focuses on how to sell art. As someone who has been in marketing for over 30 years, I wasn’t sure I actually needed help selling my art. But I was drawn to the program more than I wanted to admit.

As part of Miriam Schulman’s Art Incubator, I had access to everything I needed to create and sustain a thriving art business. All the questions answered about pricing, show strategy, prints, and so much more.

But, the most valuable part of the program is the mindset coaching. That one aspect sold me on Miriam’s training, and it has done something I never thought would happen.

It brought me closer to “me.”

In her training and book, Artpreneur, Miriam urges her students to “embrace their inner weirdo” as they grow their art business. This really hit home for me. I knew connecting with me, or my inner weirdo was the key.

Birth of the Inner Weirdo was the painting when I finally knew my inner weirdo was capable of moving into this physical world. 

I fought her, squelched her, and denied her existence, claiming she was too weird for the world to accept.

Well, world, here she is, and she’s not going back to where she came from. She is here to stay.

I have been experimenting with my new abstract style for a couple of months, longing to find a direction that created a strong inner connection with myself. I’ve had glimpses of that feeling, but as I painted this piece, it still eluded me. 

Until I Jumped Off the Cliff.

I have observed, watched, and analyzed so many other artists’ works over the years, and every time I encountered mark-making on their pieces, I was confused. I did understand why that would be considered a good method when all I saw was scribbling. 

The “scribbling” I saw in others’ work was raw, unleashed, erratic, and without logic. All things the “must be in control” and “must be accepted” part of myself was terrified of experiencing.

I knew the inner weirdo was lurking in me somewhere, and every time I remotely tried to access her, I would feel a deep and painful feeling of shame.

But I had a sense that the “scribbling” was the key to my inner weirdo’s unleashing, but consciously, I was still fighting it.

Yet, I still purchased (consciously) mark-making tools but pushed them into the background as they sat on my painting table, feeling a sense of fear each time they caught my glance.

Then, yesterday, I was ambivalent about my painting’s direction, so I made the decision to try mark-making and see what happens. I finally gave in. I told myself that if I tried the mark-making and hated it, I could always paint over the canvas and start again. That was the out I needed to take a big leap forward.

I finally gave myself permission to fail. Or was it permission to succeed?

Mark-making, for me, was the door that needed to be opened, if only a crack, to allow my inner weirdo to emerge.

As she peeks into the world and begins introducing herself to me, I am already in love. She is happy to be on the path to freedom.

I love this painting in ways I have never felt with my other paintings. It truly is a breakthrough for me.

And I don’t care if you agree. There, I said it.

I paint for myself and not for approval from others, although I’m still working on truly believing this. My weirdo just wants to express herself, and I can no longer deny her that.

I believe only when I fully put myself into my paintings will they attract those who get it or get me. I am not for everyone, and everyone is not for me. And that may be the greatest gift Miriam Schulman has given me. Thank you!

My inner weirdo has taken the wheel! Where will we go next?